You know that student. The one who seems to have a special talent for finding your last nerve and jumping up and down on it. Maybe it's the student who argues about every direction you give. Or the one who dramatically rolls their eyes when you ask them to put away their phone. Or the one who does exactly what you just asked them not to do. And sometimes, it's not even what a student does, it's when they do it (cue the pencil sharpener in the middle of your lesson).
And then you feel it. Your jaw tightens. Your shoulders rise. Your heart beats a little faster. Your face gets warm. The frustration comes on like a wave. Suddenly you have the urge to snap at the student with a sarcastic, “Are you kidding me right now!” Of course, you don't actually want to say that, but it can tumble out before you can stop it.
That's where one of my favorite Teacher Recharge tools comes in. It's called The Surfboard.
What is The Surfboard?
Think about what happens when a surfer encounters a wave. The surfer doesn't try to stop the wave. That would be impossible. And the surfer doesn't jump off the board every time a wave gets big. Instead, the surfer learns to ride it.
Our emotions work a lot like waves. When something activates us, we experience a surge of emotion. It might be frustration, embarrassment, anger, anxiety, or disappointment. The feeling builds, reaches a peak, and eventually begins to subside. Psychologists estimate that emotional intensity typically lasts for about 90 seconds, like a wave. The emotion will remain, but the intensity will ease.
Here's where emotional waves can sometimes get teachers into trouble: If we react while the wave is still rising, we may raise our voices, make sarcastic comments, issue consequences that don’t quite fit the situation. Or we may say something that we wish we could take back. We’re human, and it’s human to react when emotions are high.
The Surfboard helps us do something different. Instead of reacting from the emotion, we can practice riding it. This tool is based on a mindfulness practice called emotion surfing or urge surfing, which involves noticing and allowing an emotion to move through us without immediately acting on it.
The goal isn't to eliminate frustration or anger. It's to experience those emotions without letting them drive our behavior. Because you can feel angry without acting on it. You can feel irritated without snapping. And you can feel disrespected without responding in a way that damages a relationship. That's a skill worth developing.
What Happens When a Student Pushes Your Buttons?
When a student challenges you, your brain and body may interpret the situation as a threat. Not necessarily a physical threat, but a threat to your authority, your competence, your sense of control, or even your identity as a good teacher. Your nervous system responds by preparing you to take action. Your heart rate may increase. Your muscles tense. Your breathing becomes faster or shallower. Your attention narrows. You're activated and feeling the urge to take action.
The more emotionally activated we become, the harder it can be to access the thoughtful, flexible thinking we need to respond effectively. We may become more focused on winning the confrontation than understanding what's happening. We may interpret a student's behavior as intentional disrespect when it could reflect frustration, embarrassment, confusion, or a need for attention. And we may forget that our job isn't to win every battle. It's to help students learn, grow, and develop the skills they need to manage themselves.
The Surfboard gives us a way to stay steady enough to do that.
How to Use The Surfboard
The next time a student pushes your buttons, try these four steps.
1. Notice the Wave
The first step is recognizing that you're becoming emotionally activated. Pay attention to your body's signals. Maybe your face feels warm. Your stomach tightens. Your shoulders creep toward your ears. Or you notice that your voice is getting louder. These physical sensations are your early warning system.
Silently acknowledge what's happening.
I'm feeling frustrated.
Here comes the anger.
I'm getting activated.
Simply naming an emotion can help create a little distance between what you're feeling and what you choose to do.
2. Get on Your Surfboard
Imagine yourself standing on a surfboard as the wave of emotion rises. Take a slow breath. Relax your shoulders. Unclench your jaw. Feel your feet on the floor. You might even imagine yourself bending your knees a little, just as a surfer does to maintain balance. The idea is to remain flexible rather than constricted or rigid.
3. Ride the Wave
Here's the challenging part… Allow the emotion to be there without immediately doing something about it. You may still feel irritated. Your heart may still be beating faster. You may still have the urge to deliver the perfect comeback. Instead of reacting immediately, give the wave a little time to fade.
4. Choose Your Next Move
Remember, riding the wave doesn't mean ignoring inappropriate behavior. It means choosing how to address it rather than allowing your frustration to make that decision for you.
Once you've created a little space, ask yourself: What response will help this situation?
Maybe you calmly restate the expectation. Maybe you offer the student a choice. Maybe you recognize that a public confrontation is unlikely to end well and decide to have a private conversation later. Or maybe you realize that the behavior doesn't require the big response you were about to give it.
The goal isn't to be perfectly calm. The goal is to respond in a way that reflects your values and supports your students' growth. That's what staying on your surfboard makes possible.
Your Students Don't Need You to Be Emotionless
Sometimes teachers think being emotionally regulated means never getting upset, but that's not realistic. Teaching is emotional work. You're managing relationships, solving problems, making hundreds of decisions, and responding to the needs of many different people throughout the day. Of course you're going to feel frustrated sometimes. The goal isn't to become a teacher who never experiences anger, irritation, or disappointment. The goal is to become a teacher who can experience those emotions without being controlled by them.
And here's something else worth remembering: When you practice riding emotional waves, you're also modeling an important skill for your students. Students are watching how you handle frustration. They notice whether you escalate a disagreement or de-escalate it, whether you respond to mistakes with curiosity or criticism, whether you can remain respectful when someone else isn't.
The Next Wave Is Coming. Be Ready.
Here's one thing I can promise you about teaching. Another wave is coming. Someone will interrupt your lesson. Someone will question your directions. Someone will test a boundary. And someone will push a button (or two). You can't control every student behavior or prevent every frustrating moment, but you can practice choosing what happens next. And the more you practice, the more familiar that choice becomes.
The next time you feel that surge of frustration, picture your surfboard. Notice the wave. Take a breath. Stay on the board. Let the emotion move through you before deciding what to do. You’ll start to get more comfortable with discomfort. And every time you choose a thoughtful response over an automatic reaction, you're protecting your energy, strengthening your relationships, and creating a classroom where both you and your students can thrive.
You can’t control the waves, but you can learn to surf.
Want more practical tools for navigating the emotional demands of teaching? Explore the Teacher Recharge Toolkit for simple, practical strategies to reduce stress, conserve energy, and find more joy in your teaching day.